What I've Learned: A New Year

     2014 consisted of a lot of drama. Whether it included me or not, there was a lot. I've learned that there are some friends who you aren't going to be close with forever, people can change, and you can't always expect things to go your way. But I've made my peace with that and I accept it. Despite all of the things I've witnessed and gone through, I think that all it has done is help me learn from my mistakes and understand myself better. But most importantly I think I understand my friends and peers better too. Now I know who has what motives, how to tailor my actions around certain people, and also who I should keep closer than others. It was a year where I learned who my real friends are. As solemn as that sounds I think we've all learned that this year.

     I've grown a lot during 2014 too. I admit I used to be really bad at controlling my anger with other people but I've grown to be the bigger person in many situations. I'm not trying to brag, but I think that this year I have gotten a better grasp on what it means to let go of my pride. I used to think that if I was wronged I was entitled to some justice or apology, but now I don't expect anything from people. It's not in a "I'm better than you" way, but sometimes people will just disappoint you and I've learned to accept that. And when people do something to hurt me, I try my best to deal with it myself. I know that kind of sounds bad, because you should express your feelings, but I think that if I can deal with a problem on my own I'm simply preparing myself for the real world. Cause honestly, in the real world people can be cold and won't care about what you think.  Except sometimes it makes me feel like I've been walked all over by people, because I choose not to make a big deal out of things. But I still get some sort of satisfaction from being the bigger person, and that's what keeps me going. But it's taken me this whole year to get to that point.

     The people who care about you are the people who deserve your love. There were many situations where me or someone I know, has put all of their time and care into a person when in fact they didn't deserve it in the first place. Whether it's platonic or not, there needs to be some sort of mutual exchange of time and effort put in a relationship. Except sometimes there's more from one person. And I used to think that it's okay to give more than you receive, but when it comes to friendships and relationships there shouldn't be any exceptions. Because if someone really cares about you they would make it apparent. When it comes to friends, they should be open to helping you through the crap you go through, or take the time to thank you every so often for doing so. When it comes to relationships, the other person should love and care for you just as much as you do for them, and it shouldn't have to be a mystery to figure it out. I've come to the realization that it's not okay giving more than you get, because you're just wasting the love you could have been spending well on a person who will reciprocate it back. We try to settle, but I think that there are certain people who you consider friends or maybe even more than that, that will come through to you and understand you. Now those are the people you should invest in. Because the people who matter will care.

     I love my friends. Of course we've all had our rough patches, but I thank God for letting me meet all of them. I especially thank the friends who have helped me get through tough times and who's never failed to make me laugh. This year I've grown closer to people I never thought I would have otherwise. I can honestly say it's something special having a group of friends you're so comfortable with that you can hang out whenever you want. It's like we're the 2014 version of That 70's Show where Austin's basement is Eric Forman's basement. We always hangout there and I love it. I'm pretty sure I'm there at least twice a week. It sounds cliche I know, but I don't know what I'd do without my friends. We've all had so many good memories together it's crazy. My favorite was probably the last day of summer when we to the pool. I don't even know why, but I had the best time of my entire life. We all went swimming and joked around with each other it was pure bliss. You know those moments you don't ever want to forget? That's one of them. I know that that memory will live long. Every one of my friends are such a huge part of my life and I can't imagine being happy without them in it. I would do anything for you guys I hope you know that. Thanks for being good to me this year. 

     It's been hard to understand how relationships work, but I've noticed that certain people are put into your life, or taken out, for a specific reason. Whether it's to teach them a lesson or you a lesson, there is a reason why people are only temporarily in your life. As for boys I think that Will was put into my life so that I could expose him to any bit of Jesus I could. Although I know that now he may not find it convincing, I'm still so happy I got to tell him about the Bible and what a relationship with God is all about. I am thankful for the short time I had with him because it was fun and I got to do something meaningful with it. But again, it was temporary and I think the main reason why he was put into my life was simply because of my faith. But I still thank Will for the good ride because it really was an awesome one at that. A person who was actually temporarily taken out of my life is Genesis. We fought over a boy and it was the dumbest thing thinking about it now. I think that Genesis was temporarily taken out, so that I can learn a lesson from the conflict we had with each other. I learned that friends last a lot longer that boys and they're more meaningful. There were so many times where I felt so stupid over how dramatic I reacted when all she did was like a boy. I mean who was I to stop her from being happy? And honestly I missed Gene so much at times it sucked. There were things that she just got about me which I appreciated a lot. So I ended this year by apologizing to her for any pain I may have been responsible for, because I had no right to do what I did and I should be happy for my friends instead of being selfish. I can't imagine being the intentional cause of pain in my friends. It's not me anymore. And it's great because she apologized too. 

     Overall I think this was the year where I got to find myself and know who I want to be known I as. I don't want to be the someone who makes a big deal out of little situations or is petty, or the person who is boring and simple. I want to be known for my good character and reflection of Jesus. I still plan to be as weird and awkward as I am cause honestly I don't care anymore. I just expect my friends to deal with me cause I know they will, and for those who'll make fun of me so be it. I'm going to be the bestest friend I can be to the few people in my life who matter the most. Everyone else are simply fillers in my world. Cheers 2014.