The Bus Ride Conversation

     Sometimes I ride the bus home after school. Usually I go home with D'Erika but occasionally I don't.

     You know those times where you get really caught up with what you want or what's stressing you out? That's what life's been like for me for a while. I tried my best to ignore the things that were bothering me, or the things that I really wished I had, whether that be materialistic or intangible, but at one point everything that I tried to block out was coming at me at once. So I kept thinking about what I didn't have, or felt sorry for myself because I deserved it, except that was pathetic. Because spending so much time thinking about what I wanted, left no time to even have a 5 minute conversation with God.

     It makes me mad how easy it is for me to question God for the things I don't have. And it's not always a shiny car, or expensive dress, sometimes I want things like attention or recognition. Nonetheless things that come from my prideful, and greedy self. I think, why is this not working out for me? I ask questions, when I already know the answer to them. The reason why it feels like God is taking so much away, or not giving enough is because I'm not invested in him to begin with. It makes sense doesn't it? I only pray when I want something from God, and expect that he will give it to me simply because I took 1 minute to talk to him. But why would he give to such an undeserving person? I'm not saying that God is a cruel one, but he's one that wants my attention, our attention. So to do that sometimes he needs to make us feel a bit empty. I didn't really realize how screwed up my thought process was. It had gotten to that point. But after moping around and being sad about my current situation, I decided to open up a book that my youth leader Tracy gave me. It was a book that answers questions many non believers have. And what a coincidence that the first chapter talked about trials God uses to bring us back to him.

     So back to the bus ride, normally I don't ride it but on this particular day I did. I sat with my friend Dawon, and the first half of the ride I was venting about my feelings. It felt great and Dawon's awesome because shes listens and tries to help me out. But what's more amazing is that both of us had recently felt like we were lacking in our faith. I started to read my Bible more often a couple of days ago, and it has been going well. But after talking to Dawon I have this greater motivation and realization that Jesus is all I need right now. Despite everything that's going on in my head, the one thing that I really needed was God back into my life. Dawon told me to remember to follow Jesus and he will give me the desires of my heart. It's funny because I had completely forgotten about that verse, but it's exactly what I needed to hear. So I guess you could say I'm glad that I rode the bus home today.