Disconnection

     The way you tell me to simply listen and not respond is something that will always test my patience. I desire so much to express what is my defense, but it's bias courtroom; and if words start to spill out of my mouth I'm sentenced. Dramatic comparison? Yeah I think so too.

     I've always longed to communicate my thoughts into words about how the years have made me felt. Frequently I was ignored. Maybe it was due to the craziness which is our lives, or it was simply your diminishing interest in my life. When it came to that I was reasonable, but things never really changed. You know there's a certain numbness that comes with consistency. Over time you grow callouses, which aren't able to remember what created itself in the first place. Unfortunate. 

     In the midst of the disconnection which is our relationship, I still remained understanding. That act became a callous too; frequently finding reasons why you or your acts were rational. Although I still believe you always were, because I see through your tough shell. The identity which desperately desires to be proud and successful. I always do appreciate your effort, although it may not prevail. 

     Sometimes I want to yell, and other times remain distant; but there's conviction that comes from God. For some reason I can't stay mad for more than an hour or so, because over the years He's shown me the gift of forgiveness and the contentment that comes with it.-