Over-affectionate? & Other Thoughts

     I have this problem of not being able to distinguish whether I'm smothering someone or being thoughtful.

     I want to do a lot for people: my close friends, boyfriend, friends in general (this usually isn't a problem with my family). I care about a lot of people; well many and little at the same time, it's hard to explain. But for those people I genuinely care for,  I want to express my love for them. I like to do this with surprises or thoughtful gestures (but it's not the only way). In reference to love languages, I would say this falls under gift giving; although I learned that the way we like to receive love and express love are different. Like I was getting at earlier, I like to express love by gift giving. On the flip side, I feel loved the most with quality time. 

     Gift giving is something I really like to do, but also find myself conflicted with at the same time. The reason why I like to do it is because it's a way to show someone you're thinking about them even when you're not together. It doesn't always have to be a big gesture either. To me I think the most significant factor that expresses love in gift giving, is the unexpected timing. I'd like to call it pleasant surprises. I love doing this, and I constantly come up with ideas on how I can do something for my friends, because I know if someone else did it for me I would appreciate it. But with this comes conflict. I want to do so much, and oftentimes too much in my head, that I end up doing nothing. Or in other cases I do it, but then feel over-affectionate. I feel like I'm doing way too much for no real good reason. I don't want to seem clingy or weird! That's why I struggle. Although sometimes I end up doing xyz anyways, because I say "what they heck they'll probably appreciate it one way or another."

     Lately I've learned that not everyone feels loved when they receive gifts/surprises/etc. To me that was a little hard to wrap my head around, but I can understand it now. I would be a good representation. As much as I like gifts, I love good old quality time the most. It makes me feel valued and close to whomever I'm spending it with. But quality time doesn't mean long periods together. It means intention and undivided attention. The absolute best. 

     Loving on people can be hard, and especially figuring how to love them the best way is too.